I'm Falling Out...

I'm  change...a lot..I can feel it by myself...aku rasa aku dah berubah..dah tak seperti dulu.dulu aku adalah orang yang paling ceria..tp sekarang aku dah rasa aku dah tak seperti dulu..aku semakin serius dalam pelbagai perkara.

Adakah aku berubah kerana C??? Adakah kerana hubungan kami berdua kena dimulakan semula?? Adakah kerana aku perlu berubah sikap kerana ingin memikat hati C semula?? Aku sendiri tidak tahu kenapa aku berubah seperti ini...aku sendiri keliru dengan sendiri...kini aku rasa aku dah kehilangan personaliti sendiri.

pada hari khamis lepas aku dan C menghadapi perbalahan. Aku bertanyakan; siapakah aku dihati C??Adakah aku berada di hati dia sekarang nie???

Jawapan C : "Kamu masih lagi dalam hati aku, sentiasa...aku tidak pernah meninggalkan kamu. Hubungan kita adalah PERSAHABATAN."

PERSAHABATAN??????????

Apa maksud persahabatan yang dia maksudkan??aku dah keliru dan makin keliru. Kini aku dan dia masih lagi berhubung..tapi hubungan apa??aku tidak tahu...aku digantung...DIGANTUNG TAK BERTALI...that's...HURT!!! kini aku hanya membuat perkara yang aku ingin buat...tanpa memikir dia atau sesiapa... MINUM, MEROKOK, CLUBBING??? semua tu aku boleh buat sekarang...tapi aku menghancurkan hati aku sendiri...

Sekarang nie..aku dalam proses pemulihan luka aku...menerima 'rawatan' dari kawan-kawan ku...tapi...besar kemungkinan aku akan menghadapi kemurungan yang teramat besar kali ini.Kemurungan ini bakal menutup segala nya...terutamanya CINTA dan LELAKI.


Aku hanya mampu berdoa untuk diri aku agar aku selalu bahagia dan gembira seperti dulu...

The Day I HATE is COMING!!!

Today is 11th February 2010...about 3 more days to go to Valentine's Day. All couple celebrate their Valentine's Day, some will gets flower from their boyfriend, chocolate, teddy, and some will take advantage, to propose their girlfrend...how sweet..but for me...this is the day that I hate SO MUCH!! because this is the broken-hearted day for me. I will cry in my bedroom instead of get some present from my boyfriend. This year, it will be more broken-hearted, because I DUMB my boyfriend. I wish I can do so...and I will HATE VALENTINE'S DAY for the rest of my life. 


Seperti tahun-tahun lepas, Valentine's Day adalah hari yang paling aku benci.aku tidak menyukai hari Valentine's, because, it means useless to me and selalu nya aku akan kecewa.

Seperti blog Valentine aku tahun lepas, aku memang tidak menyukai Valentine's Day sejak aku broken up dengan ex-boyfriend aku. Aku merasakan, tiada yang akan menyanyangi aku seperti mana dia menyanyangi aku. Disebabkan family aku menghalang hubungan kita, so aku kena akur untuk memutuskan hubungan aku dan dia.Walaupun menyesal...(...) 

Aku tidak dapat menerima layanan berbeza dari lelaki lain setelah 4 tahun aku dan dia.Itulah sebab nya setiap kali Valentine's Day, aku menangis dan aku TAK SUKA dan TAK AKAN SUKA Valentine's Day.

Why do Women Cry?

"Why are you crying?" he asked his Mom. "Because I'm a woman" she told him."I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will"

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?""All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the phone, the man said,"GOD, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD said, "When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity helps her to make a child's boo-boo feel better and shares in their teenagers anxieties and fears. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. I gave her a tear to shed. It's hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed. It's her only weakness. It's a tear for mankind.

Can't Stop thinking 'bout him

What should I do???

What am i suspose to do???

Why can't I stop thinking 'bout him??

Aku mendengar lagu-lagu rohani sebelum tidur, agar aku mampu tidur dengan nyenyak. Kini aku merasakan hidup aku dah kembali ke masa lalu. Tidak bernyawa, menjadi seorang yang pemuram. Apa yang harus aku lakukan untuk melupakan dia. Aku menyintai dia suatu masa dulu, tapi kini aku tidak dapat menerangkan perasaan aku akan dia.

What should I do???

Kini aku berusaha untuk focus dalam kerja aku untuk mengelak berfikir tentang dia. Even, lunch hour pun aku meneruskan untuk membuat kerja. Semua ini untuk melupakan dia, tetapi fikiran aku tetap memikirkan dia. Dah la aku ni bukan jenis yang menangis, meluah, tapi aku memendam perasaan aku. Sejak bila aku menjadi begitu lemah???

Semasa membuat kerja aku mendengar lagu rohani agar menguatkan iman aku. Aku boleh menjadi tidak waras sekiranya aku memikirkan perkara ini dengan melampau.

What am I suspose to do???

Make myself happy, contact with girlfriends and sibling...may be that can make me stop thinking 'bout him and other guys around me...My heart keep on bleeding...aku dah sakit, SERIK!!!

CINTA = Sengsara + Sakit ???

The Bitter Heart

Aku masih tidak tahu apa yang patut aku lakukan...the more I think 'bout him and our relationship, it make me more hurt. Aku dapat merasakan tusukan pisau di dada aku. Sekarang ini aku semakin takut untuk berpisah dengan nya, walaupun aku merasakan I'm ready to let you go.

Kawan-kawan aku menasihati aku agar aku dumb dia terlebih dahulu, sebelum dia dumb aku. Tapi, aku tak kuat untuk berbuat demikian...masih cintakah aku kepada dia??? masih sayangkah aku??? Segalanya aku masih tidak tahu apa perasaan aku yang sebenarnya.

Now, I feel that i'm not strong enough to let him go. Even, I pray to God every day to make me strength to face him someday. Last night I told my mom 'bout all those mess between us. She just asking me if I can just leave him (thats mean..dumb him). I cry a river all those week. I become so weak. I think i can't even breathing .

Kini, aku tidak percaya tentand dia(lelaki), cinta, hati dan perasaan. Kini aku hanya berserah dengan Tuhan, dan juga keluarga ku. Adakah aku begitu kejam sehingga aku tidak mempercayai mana-mana lelaki yang hadir dalam hati ku?Adakah aku salah kerana menyamakan semua lelaki kerana seorang lelaki? Ya Tuhan, bantulah hamba-Mu ini...ampunilah dosa-dosa ku, Tuhan-ku.

EVERYTIME

Notice me Take my hand

Why are we,

Strangers when,

Our love is strong?

Why carry on

Without me?

Everytime I try

To fly I fall

Without my wings

I feel so small I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see

You in my dreams

I see your face

It's haunting meI guess I need you baby

I make believe

That you are here

It's the only way

I see clear

What have I done?

You seem to move on easy

n' everytime I try

To fly I fall

Without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see

You in my dreams

I see your face

You're haunting me

I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain

Please forgive me

My weakness caused you pain

And this song's my sorry

Oooh...

At night I pray

That soon your face will fade away

And Everytime I try

To fly I fall

Without my wings

I feel so small I guess I need you baby

And everytime I seeYou in my dreams

I see your face

You're haunting me I guess I need you baby

I gOt nice FOoD heRe...

Hehehe....let me tell you my nice healthy food....

This is...Iban Traditional Salad...

Ramuan :

3 biji tomato (di potong dadu)
1 btg salary (di potong dadu)
Ikan bilis (lebih kurang 1 gengam)
2 biji bawang putih (garlic)
1 biji bawang merah (i prefer shalot because it taste sweet and hot)
3 biji chabai (the small chili..not red papper)
Cuka (lebih kurang 1 sudu)
Limau nipis (it smell gooood)
Daun saderi and ketumbar (hiris nipis)
Garam and black pepper

Cara² :

1. Campurkan tomato dan salary yang dah dipotong ke dalam mangkuk. Campurkan dengan sedikit garam, black pepper dan cuka.

2. Tumbuk ikan bilis dengan garlic, shallot dan chabai. Jangan tumbuk terlampau lumat nanti tak de rasa.

3. Campurkan sekali sambal ikan bilis yang telah ditumbuk dengan adunan (I do not know how am i suspose to call this) tomato dan salary. Perah limau nipis, dapatkan jus limau tersebut.

4. Hiris halus daun ketumbar dan saderi. Sekiranya nak lagi rasa manis-manis pedas, hiris halus shallots (bawang merah).

5. Gaulkan semua bahan tersebut dan ready to eat..Erm...taste like heaven!!! hehe...try now!!!

Baby, are you down..down...DOWN!!

I am drowning...help me...drowning in the deep of Love Sea....Oh...dear...why am i feeling this way!!!!???

Its been 8 month we haven't meet each other...and its been 8 month we doesn't close and romantic like before...how sad...??? sob..sob..sob..T_T

I do not know what is going on between both of us...sometimes...I feel like I WANT TO GAVE UP!!! because the things are getting complicated for both of US!!! ESPECIALLY ME!!!

But....even though A is there for me..but he can't cure this feeling anyway...

I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS HANGGING RELATIONSHIP!!!! It does make me more weak..and weak..and weak...and I'm TIRED of IT!!!

duh...what am I mumble about...